20. Gay. Loud. Lil' Monster.

i miss you..plain and simple

theres no other way to put it. theres not a day that doesnt go by that i dont think about you. the way you took time out of your day just to drive to see me. the way you pushed and pushed me to do the right thing to help me get my life on track. i know i complained, and bitched, and argued with you..but in the end it was worth it. i have no one else to thank but you..for..everything. i wouldn’t be the person i am right now if it wasn’t for you..

i miss every moment we shared together..

• waking up together
• making breakfast
• working out
• going to see movies (crappy/good/funny/scary)
• going to the mall when you told me not to buy anything but i did anyways
• going to the grocery store so that we can make a romantic dinner..and in the end it would end up being chicken nuggets and fries..or even just mac n’ cheese
• going to your moms house and having her give us coupons for anything and everything on the planet..and knowing that when i went to her that she would always be there for me, told me that she loved me, and called me her son

and a shit load of more times..

sure, i’ve been with other people and i might have thought that it could be something amazing..but with each guy that i thought “hey this might actually work out and be something amazing..” none of them compared to ANYTHING i had with you. 

i know that you have someone else and i can’t do anything to change that..but i need to have you in my life..i know people just throw this out there and say this..but i can’t be without you. 

hearing your voice on the phone is the best sound i hear..and it makes my day…hell it makes my week most of the time. 

i guess what im saying is that..im sorry it didn’t work out..im sorry for everything we fought for. you are an amazing guy. i know i won’t ever find anyone like you. you were the best guy in the world and what we had was something truly out of a movie or great love story..yes i’m in love with you. i was in love with you from the first night that we met. i will always love you. and even though i know that it might not happen..but i wish that we could get back together. 

what do i really want for christmas? 

• money
• a new tv
• clothes
• you
• shoes
• a new car

love, always and forever: 

 T <3

broadwayfreak asked: Thanks for following me back! :)

hey no problem =)

i know i haven’t been on here in a…well a long ass timme..

but thats cause ive been going through a lot of stuff recently. for those of you who want to know i will tell you why ive been upset…

1. my relationship of almost 1year went to shit and i still have a hard time coming to terms with it
2. even though it is over with me and..said person and i am over it..it still is hard to talkk to him sometimes
3. realizing that i had changed so much in a relationship…and going back to my old ways..self it just makes me realize that i dont..nor should i EVER have to change for anyone. whether it be family, friends, boyfriends or whatever. if you dont like me for me…then im sorry but this is who i am.
4. even to this day…losing all my weight and what not..i still think that..i have so much that i feel i need to improve on myself.
5. some of the people i feel closest to nowadays..i feel i just am getting pushed away from. thats the last thing that i need to happen right now
6. my best friends…are leaving at the end of the summer and i just dont know what to do with that

theres probably more but i just dont know what to do right now. this shit just..keeps piling more and more on top of each other and i cant fucking deal with it. maybe just looking at this and realizing im ranting to people will help me wake up and realize that its not the end of the world…cause its not. i have to..if not for me then for my friends and family try and live a positive life. i cant go back completely to my old self. that depressed…little peice of shit that i was..that people resented and were annoyed with. even if they didnt say anything…i could tell…i cant do that to you guys anymore i just…cant. maybe it would be easier sometimes if i just got up and went a way for a little while but maybe i just need to face this stuff head on. but you know…tomorrow is a new day and i am ready.

i am ready to get up..and not just pretend to put on a fake smile anymore. i need to put on a real smile. i need to be positive about things. i mean..thats why i started trying to get rid of all the negative stuff in my life. cause it does nothing for me..for anything in that mattter. the other night i had a longgg talk with one of my closest friends richard. and even though i have only known him for a short time…and yes i know i have cried in front of everyone…but i feel that he understood what was going on. and just having him there….it did help and opened my eyes to a lot of shit that i talked to him about and for that i thank him dearly. you are one of my closest friends and i love you dearly for being there the other night. i dont know if youre gonna read this but..you know i dont know.

well thats about it for now. and i will start blogging more. BUT no sad stuff..or at least i will try lol and i willl actually try to post more shit more frequently and what not and uh..thats about it. hope yall…idk..have a great summer and uh…bitches get stitches..

..yeah i think thats a good line to leave out on…

denexsden asked: I love your blog ♥

Aw thank you (: I need to start posting more stuff though

Bitch I didn’t ask for 3D.

(Source: beckettoftears)

Bitch I didn’t ask for 3D.

(Source: beckettoftears)